A Pirate's Life For Me!
Yarr, mateys! Today, September 19, be International Talk Like A Pirate Day. So I be makin’ today’s post in piratespeak. At Top Chef University, they be tellin’ me to fry, and there’s nay better pirate grub than fried seafood. I take feedin’ me pirate crew more serious than a squall during a rum shortage. Here be a photo of me crew:
Me heartie, the captain, went fer fish at the market. It be frozen harder than a barnacle, nay fresh, but I didn’t lash him at the mast, I gladly used what I be gived. I also be havin’ some leftover calamari, from the other day, and some leftover crustin’ I used on me lamb last night. I be breadin’ the calamari in the nut/garlic/bread crumb mix, and I be breadin’ the whiting in Panko like dear old cookie CJ be doin’ in the Top Chef University video. Should make a fine feast for a bunch o’ lubbers!
Me dotter be takin’ British Literature, so we have to be watchin’ Wuthering Heights to be helpin’ her with her homework. It be a bad, disagreeable, wicked story, which should be sent to the depths of Davy Jones’ Locker, despite the fact that Ralph Fiennes be lookin’ right fetchin’. We be gobblin’ up the fried calamari while we be watchin’ the Wuthering Heights. Yarr!
The burnin' oil sailed' into me eye, so now I be havin' t' actually wear a seafarin' hearty eyepatch. Next time ye be seein' a gentleman o’ fortune wearin' an eye patch, ask th' lad's if he`s been fryin' calamari, ye belch of a whale’s seaweed-smellin’ blowhole!
The Panko be fallin’ off the fish a lot, and the fish be fallin’ apart a lot. And I still didn’t buy me no blasted spider for the fryin’. But fry it I did, and, we be eatin’ it up like a bunch o’ sea-starved scallywags. The captain and the cabin boy both be dousin’ the fish wid all manner o’ hot sauce, though I used sea salt and pepper. I hopes they don’t be gettin’ seasick. I be usin’ a bright yellow lemon on the plate to make sure me crew don’t get scurvy.
Any other day, this here post be uninterestin’ and regular-like, seein’ as all I be doin’ is fryin’ up some seafood. But today, Talk Like A Pirate Day, everything be soundin’ like an excitin’ seafarin’ adventure! Me MicroSoft Word nay be appreciatin’ me attempts to eliminate the letter G at the stern of all me action verbs…but hopefully all ye mateys be bemused buccaneers!
I be hoping for fair-weather sailin’ as I now be approachin’ the “Vegetable, Eggs and Dairy” unit. Yarr!
Hungrily leavin’ port,
Mad Molly McKeester (alias Heidi in Pittsburgh)